February 10, 2014   68 notes
Normal humans poop approximately 1-2 times a day. Maybe even 3-4 depending on fiber intake or if they’re sick.
But you’re not a normal human. You work hard and drink a lot of coffee. You’re a toilet monster and you came to PLAY. You look at takin’ a crap like a Goddamned challenge. IT’S GO TIME, literally. Grab the sides of that tank for support and hold on, this one’s gonna register on the Richter Scale.
You wanna take a power-shit in the comfort of your own home and you don’t wanna have to run to the Giant Eagle to grab crap tickets every half hour. It’ll break the flow. It’s your thrown and you want your jumbo-dump to be a linear experience, God damn it. That’s why you need a CrapTree. CrapTree provides a steady supply of toilet paper within reach, so no more crab waddling to the hall closet for an extra roll. Now you can drop a Jurassic Turd and have the confidence to take care of business after the fact. 
Let everyone who visits your home know that you value function over form and and putting your toilet tissue on display was your thinly veiled attempt to cover up your proclivity for taking mega dumps so often that you’ve had to disguise your t.p. supply as art so you don’t look super gross to your guests. 
You even hooked up a sound system to your toilet- little motivational music to get ya goin.
$2 for the cardboard CrapTree
$0.99 download for Drowning Pool’s Bodies
$7.99 for a Charmin Pack
$1500 to replace your O Ring after you blow it out competing in your fake toilet olympics. 

Normal humans poop approximately 1-2 times a day. Maybe even 3-4 depending on fiber intake or if they’re sick.

But you’re not a normal human. You work hard and drink a lot of coffee. You’re a toilet monster and you came to PLAY. You look at takin’ a crap like a Goddamned challenge. IT’S GO TIME, literally. Grab the sides of that tank for support and hold on, this one’s gonna register on the Richter Scale.

You wanna take a power-shit in the comfort of your own home and you don’t wanna have to run to the Giant Eagle to grab crap tickets every half hour. It’ll break the flow. It’s your thrown and you want your jumbo-dump to be a linear experience, God damn it. That’s why you need a CrapTree. CrapTree provides a steady supply of toilet paper within reach, so no more crab waddling to the hall closet for an extra roll. Now you can drop a Jurassic Turd and have the confidence to take care of business after the fact. 

Let everyone who visits your home know that you value function over form and and putting your toilet tissue on display was your thinly veiled attempt to cover up your proclivity for taking mega dumps so often that you’ve had to disguise your t.p. supply as art so you don’t look super gross to your guests. 

You even hooked up a sound system to your toilet- little motivational music to get ya goin.

$2 for the cardboard CrapTree

$0.99 download for Drowning Pool’s Bodies

$7.99 for a Charmin Pack

$1500 to replace your O Ring after you blow it out competing in your fake toilet olympics. 

  1. elenap515 reblogged this from ilizashaunch
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  4. halfpintofhope reblogged this from ilizashaunch and added:
    OH MY GOD
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  7. zippetyexplorations reblogged this from ilizashaunch and added:
    Bahahahahaha. #winningbodilyfunctions
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    What the actual fuck.
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